


When I Need You Most

by orphan_account



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, No Smut, Seriously no smut ur safe i dont like it either, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:48:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25868428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Evan recently started college and it looks to be more than he bargained for, and his new roommate seems familiar somehow.
Relationships: Alana Beck & Connor Murphy, Alana Beck & Evan Hansen, Alana Beck/Zoe Murphy, Connor Murphy & Zoe Murphy, Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman, Evan Hansen & Zoe Murphy, Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy, Jared Kleinman & Zoe Murphy
Kudos: 23





	1. The Summer Before Freshman Year

Evan has two days left until he has to go to college, he isn't ready in the slightest. He rolls over on his bed and turns on his phone to check the time, its 8:26. He was supposed to be awake at 7:45. He sighs and stands up, his blankets falling off him as he does so. He walks into the kitchen to find a plate of pancakes with a note next to it. He picks up the note and opens it "I had to run to the hospital really quick, I'll be back soon" it had a little heart drawn by the last word. The pancakes were cold, but he ate them anyway, they tasted a little bit like cardboard. 

Heidi has never been much of a cook, but she did her best for Evan, and he was grateful for that. More often than not, they had some form of takeout for dinner, its not that Heidi didn't care, it was that she never had time to make anything for dinner. Usually she had the night shift at work and left money for Evan to order food, he never did, he didnt like talking on the phone. He finished his food and headed upstairs.

His room is painted a bland tan color, it's been that way as long as he can remember. The walls are completely blank save for one picture, its of him whennhe was 10, it was Halloween. Heidi looked exhausted, like she hadnt slept in days, she probably hadnt at that point, he was dressed up as a ninja, his mother was smiling despite her tiredness. He forgot what he went up there for until he saw his clothes folded up on top of his dresser with another note this one said "i knew that tou would take a while to fold all of your clothes so i helped, theres only a little bit left, don't forget your shampoo!" This time it had a smiley face underneath the message. He chuckled at this, his mom hatdly had any time to do something fun for herself but she managed to find time to fold half the clothes in her son's dresser.

He checked his phone again, he had an email from his mom. He read through it. Jared's going to the same college as he is, this is exactly what he was trying to avoid by accepting the scholarship at the farthest school from home while still being able to drive home for holidays.

He realized that he missed the deadline to apply for a single room by two days, that means he'll have to share a room with a complete stranger, or worse, Jared. If he has to bunk with jared he'll never get any sleep with how much he talks. He's just lucky that he doesnt have to share a room with any upperclassmen. His phone vibrated, he sets his phone to vibrate because he's worried that if he's in class with his phone that someone might text him and it will ring and everyone will look at him. He opens his messages and its a text from his mom "hey honey, did you eat the pancakes i lefy left for you? Did you pack? I just wanted to tell you that i got an email from the college administrators saying that thye moved orientation a day sooner, so you'll have to leave a day sooner than we planned, love you"

He deflated, he didn't want to go tomorrow, that means he'll have to meet new people a day earlier. He knew he has to go either way, so it doesnt matter how much he doesnt want to go, he still has to. There's no changing it. He goes back upstairs to double check he has everything he needs, he cant afford to leave anything behind, its a five hour drive from here to his new college. He doesn't know if he's ready for college, but theres no backing out now.


	2. Fall Term of Freshman Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan meets his new roommate and it seems like they have more in common than he thought

This was terrifying

Evan had never seen this many people in one place. The college was a lot bigger than he originally thought it was, with twice as many people. He wasn't sure he was ready for all of this. they were calling names to give keys to rooms. they were going in alphabetical order, he was keeping track of what letter people's last names were, when they got to the h's he had spaced out. He sapped back to reality when he heard someone saying his name. 

"Evan Hansen?"

He made his way through a suffocatingly thick crowd, once he reached the front he saw a desk with a man sitting at it, with stacks of paper.

"Uh, I'm Evan, you, uh, called my name?"

"Oh, yes, here's your room number and key. Drop your stuff off before orientation at 2:00."

"Okay, uh, thanks."

He was out of breath by the time he reached his room, there was too many people in the halls, he fumbled with the lock on the door to his room, to his dismay, there were two beds and another suit case next to the desk in the middle of the room. He dropped his bags by the second bed.

"God, you pack like my sister."

He looked around, there was someone sitting on the bed on the other side of the room. He was wearing dark clothing so he blended in with the dark room. He flicked the lights.

"What?"

"you pack like my sister, on overnight trips she'll take 3 different bags"

His face flushed. He turned around. and busied himself by putting clothes in the dresser next to his bed.

"Who are you?"

"Connor, you?"

"Um, I'm Evan, I'm your roommate."

"Duh"

"Oh, yeah, sorry"

"Whatever"

The speakers overhead turned on

_Can all the freshmen head down to the auditorium for orientation_

Evan set down the shirt he was holding 

"We should go down there"

Connor laid down onto his bed

"Nah, I've got my schedule already, I'm staying here."

"Are you serious?"

"Yep"

"Fine, If you get in trouble it's not my fault."

He walked out of the dorm and promptly got lost. He really didn't want to ask someone for directions so he looked up the college website. There was no WiFi.

"Crap"

He wandered over to a wall with a bunch of pamphlets and found a map. when he reached the auditorium it was almost full. Evan stood in the back as to avoid confrontation or someone trying to start a conversation. Orientation lasted for about an hour and all they talked about was rules and class schedules. When he got back to his room, he saw Connor asleep on his bed. he got a better look at him and realized, Connor was the boy who pushed him in the hallway senior year of high school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, don't forget to give feedback! I want to know where other people want this to go :)


	3. Fall Term Freshman Year pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan fails his test and Connor buys a sandwich

It's been over a month since Connor and Evan met and they still aren't much more than acquaintances. Evan looks at his schedule today, he has biology, him and Connor both share this class. They also both have a biology test today. Evan is busy studying when he hears a bang from the other side of the room, he sees Connor stand up off of the floor.

"What was that?"

"I fell"

"Well at least you're awake, we have a biology test today" 

Connor grabbed his biology book

"Time to cram then"

"That's the worst way to study!”

"I haven't been to a single lecture in two weeks, what do you advise I do, genius?"

Evan huffed, he didn't like Connor's attitude. He shut his book and stood up

"I'm heading to biology, you can fail if you want."

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Evan is really starting to get on Connor's nerves. All he cares about is going to class, studying, getting an A on every test. He never slows down, he doesn't take breaks at all. Connor's here to have a good time, and to get a degree in whatever it is his mother set him up for. Getting a degree is the only way to get approval in his household. He looks at the clock, its 12:54.

"Shit"

The test is at 1:00.  
Even if he's gonna get a C on the test, it's better than getting an F because he didn't show. He packs up whatever junk he left on his desk and leaves to the biology hall in a hurry. He gets there at 12:58, doesn't give him much time to get ready but it's better than being late.

"So you did decide to show up."

He whipped around to see Evan. Can he get any more annoying?

"At least I'm not a dick."

He turned around and found a seat. He didn't have to call him a dick, and he kinda feels bad about it, but Evan didn't have to be a dick to begin with. When the teacher told everyone to quiet down, Evan was still standing up, Connor looked to his left.  
Crap.  
The only empty seat was next to him, he's going to need to sit next to Evan Hansen, king of dickville, for the next hour of his life.

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Evan was pissed, he has to live with this guy for the next eight months and not even two months into it and he's already being a dick.  
This is gonna be a long year. Evan rushed through his test so he could get back to the dorm and away from Connor, for the moment at least.

He flew through his test, barely even paying attention to the questions on the way. He handed his test to the professor and left as quick as he could, walking to the lobby below the dormitories. He was zoning out while reading a book on his phone when someone sat down next to him.

He looked to his left, it was Connor. He did his best not to sigh but he thinks he still heard. He pulled out his earbuds.

"Hey."

Connor handed him a paper bag, Evan recognized it as a sandwich from the cafeteria.

"Sorry for being a dick earlier, also lunch is almost over, so I got you a sandwich. "

"Well, thanks."

"What are you listening to?"

Connor gestured towards his earbuds

"Oh, uh, nothing, I wear these so people don't try to talk to me."

Connor snorted

"You understand how sad that sounds, right?”

Evan frowned

“You don’t talk to anyone either.”  
“I don’t feel the need to”

Evan set down his phone

“You’re talking to me, aren’t you?”

Connor smiled, Evan never realized until now that Connor hadn’t smiled once, this might have been the first time he has done it since they met. It made him look handsome, in an unconventional way.

“You should smile more,”

His mouth snapped shut when he realized what he said. His face flushed

“Uh, that’s n-not what I-”

“It’s fine, I know what you mean, my whole family has told me that at some point”

He looked down at the unopened sandwich between them

“Are you gonna eat that? I didn’t know what kind of sandwich you eat so I played it safe and got Pb&J, hope that's okay.”

Evan hadn’t really known anyone that was nice to him other than his mom, this was new.

“Oh, uh, yeah, I like peanut butter and jelly, have you eaten?”

He picked up the sandwich and started to open it. Connor shook his head

“Nah, I don’t really eat lunch, I’m more of a breakfast person.”

“You never struck me as such, especially with the fact that you didn’t want to wake up until 12:30 today.”

He shrugged

“I have a late breakfast.”

“Seems more like lunch to me”

“Whatever, just eat your sandwich before I do.”

Evan took a bite out of the sandwich and swallowed

“What kind of shows do you watch?”

“I’ll only tell you if you don’t judge me”

“It’ll take a lot to make me judge you more than I already do.”

“Not much of a reassurance but okay”

Connor reached up and rubbed the back of his neck

“I like to watch romcoms”

Evan stifled laughter, Connor looked hurt

“You said you wouldn’t judge me”

“I never said I wouldn’t laugh”

“That’s like, the same thing!”

Connor started to laugh too. Only when he picked up his phone did he realize that he only had five minutes until his next lecture. He stood up

“Where are you going?”

“I have a lecture in five minutes”

“You’ve been skipping all your other ones,”

“I have to present this time though”

“Well then, go ahead, try not to be late”

“I think it's a bit late for that”

Evan laughed as Connor sprinted into the hallway just as the clock turned to three.  
He was going to be late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, thanks for reading, I'm trying to make each chapter a minimum of 1000 words. I'll do my best!


	4. Winter Term of Freshman Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan gets hungover and skips class

It was December 21st, the middle of winter term for Evan. He decided to stay with Connor, he was nice if you got to know him, he had his moments, but otherwise, he was pretty okay. They didn't hang out much other than the days when their schedules collided. Evan has been a lot less worried about school. It was a Saturday so he didn't have any classes to go to. Connor walked into the dorm with someone.

"Hey, Evan"

Evan wasn't interested in any of Connor's friends, usually the only reason they are friends is because they have a common interest of skipping class and smoking together.

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to go to a party tonight with me and Kai?"

He shrugged, he didn't like parties, there were always too many people.

"Aw, come on, just this once?"

Evan sighed

"Just this once, you won't ask me again."

Connor grinned, he's probably high. 

"Cool, it's in half an hour, I can bring you there."

Evan looked Connor straight in the face

"Are you high right now?"

He looked at Kai

"Am I?"

"Yeah"

Evan sighed and turned to Kai

"You're gonna need to bring us there, Connor has no sense of direction when he's high."

Kai gave him a thumbs up and led Connor to his bed.

"We should probably let Connor take a nap before the weed wears off."

Kai saluted Evan

"Good luck"

He left the room, shutting the door behind him. Leaving Evan alone with Connor, who was standing on his bed, trying to touch the ceiling. Evan sighed, at least he's not in the same room as Jared, come to think of it, he hasn't seen Jared at all this year. Maybe he'll see him at the party. The party. He really doesn't want to go, but if he does Connor won't ask him any more. He looked at the clock, it's 8:45, he has 15 minutes to get to the party, where he has to deal with Connor for the next hour.

"Connor"

"Yeah?"

"We should head to the party now"

"Okay"

He stood up and walked over to Connor's bed, where he was still laying down

"Are you coming?"

"Im tired"

"It's only eight"

"Almost nine"

He grabbed Connors arm and pulled him into a seated position

"I'm not going to a party full of strangers, you're coming with me"

Connor grumbled and stood up. Evan's hand was still on his arm, he hastily dropped it. Connor opened the door and the two of them walked to the next dorm building. From outside you could hear people yelling and music. Evan hesitated, Connor looked at him.

"Come on, it'll be fun, it's better once you get inside."

Evan sighed and walked inside with Connor. Immediately when they got inside, Connor walked over to the food table. There were cans of beer and chips and punch. Evan decided to play it safe and just went for the punch. Connor grabbed a handful of chips and a beer. Evan followed Connor around most of the time. After a bit, everything started to get a little fuzzy, what was in that punch? While Evan was Following Connor, he spotted Jared, what was Jared doing at a party, he didn't even like parties, Evan didn't like parties either. What was Evan doing here, he needed to leave, there were too many people, he couldn't see Connor anymore. Evan took a deep breath and walked over to Jared.

"What are you doing here?"

He slurred the last few words. Jared gave him a weird look.

"What are you drinking?"

"Punch"

He held up his paper cup, he had about three full cups of punch in the half hour that he's been there so far. 

"Are you drunk?"

"No, I'm just drinking punch"

"Do you have any idea what they put in that stuff?"

Evan laughed, Jared's glasses looked funny. 

"Haha, your glasses look silly."

"Wow, you are drunk, who did you come here with?"

"My roommate"

Jared pinched the bridge of his nose.

"What's your roommate's name"

"Connor"

"As in Connor Murphy? The guy who threw a printer at Mrs. G when we were kids?"

Evan thought for a second. He nodded, spilling some of his drink in the process.

"Yeah, I think so."

"You let Connor Murphy, the school freak, bring you to a party?"

Evan nodded, Jared sighed

"I'm getting you back to your room, what number is it?"

"28B, it's in the other building. Where's your room?"

"Not right now, Evan, we're getting you back to your room first."

"Aww, but I've only been here a few minutes."

"You shouldn't have been here at all, what was he thinking bringing you here?"

Evan grumbled and followed Jared back to his dorm. He fumbled with the key in the lock, Jared took it from him and unlocked the door, setting the key on the desk inside. Evan sat down on his bed and squinted at Jared.

"What are you doing in my room?"

"I brought you here because you're too much of an idiot to get back yourself."

"Rude"

Evan crossed his arms and laid down on his bed, he frowned at the other side of the room.

"Where's Connor?"

Jared sighed and walked over to the door.

"I'm leaving, bye."

"Aww, okay"

Jared shut the door behind him after he left, turning off the lights. 

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Evan woke up in the morning with a splitting headache. Ugh, what did he do last night? The lights are on which makes everything sharper and more painful. He rolls over and shoves his face into a pillow, it doesn't make it much better but it's not as bright now. He notices that it's not a pillow that he shoved his face into. He jolts upright and realizes that he's not in his bed, his bed is across the room. He looks over and sees Connor.

"Have I ever mentioned that you sleep like a rock?"

His face reddens, he was in Connor's bed, how long has he been here?

"Um, sorry, I'm uh, sorry"

He stands up and walks over to his bed, turned away from Connor. His head feels like someone threw a brick at it. He put a hand up to his head. 

"Dude, do you need, like, an aspirin or something?"

He turned back around, Connor was holding a bottle of pills.

"Uh, yeah, thanks. What, uh, happened last night? I only remember bits of it"

"You got super drunk at a party, Kleinman brought you back here because you stopped following me at one point."

Evans face turned a slight shade of pink

"Why was I, uh, in your bed?"

Connor laughed, it was pleasant sound

"You were still awake when I got back, it was the only way to get you to shut up. You talk a lot when you're drunk, did you know that?"

Evan rubbed the back of his neck

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to be annoying."

"It's fine, it was kind of funny actually."

Evan grabbed his phone, he had 10 minutes until his first lecture, he didn't want to go, he would hardly be able to focus anyway with his headache.

"Oh"

"What?"

"I have a lecture in ten minutes"

"Just skip it, they're optional and it's only one anyway."

"But-"

"No, you can stay here"

Evan hesitated for a second

"Okay, I won't be able to focus anyway. "

Connor grinned and patted the spot next to him on the bed.

"Lets watch a show, what do you want to watch?"

"You pick"

"You flatter me, Hansen"

"Shut up" 

He smiled a little at that. Connor grabbed his laptop and turned on a show, they watched it for the next hour, until Evan's next lecture. He looked at the calendar on the wall as he was leaving the dorm. 

"Hey Connor,"

"Yeah?"

"Today's family visiting day."

"Shit"

Evan turned around

"Why?"

"My parents are gonna expect me to have friends by now, they already think I'm enough of a dissapointment by now."

"Why?"

"They think my sister Zoe is an angel child, she always gets good grades, she has friends, and she doesn't smoke."

Zoe, as in, the Zoe Evan had a crush on in high school? This is gonna get complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Dont forget to comment!


	5. Winter Term Freshman Year pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan and Connor go skiing

“Why didn’t you tell me Connor was Zoe’s brother?”

“And miss the chance to see you make the connection yourself? I think the fuck not”

“Really, Jared?”

“It’s not my fault you’re too much of an idiot to figure that out on your own. Anyway, how’s it going with your new boyfriend?”

“I’m hanging up now, Jared, goodbye”

Evan hung up on Jared without letting him say anything else. Of course Connor was Zoe’s brother, it made sense. He mentioned on literally the first day that he had a sister, they had the same last name even. Jared’s kind of an asshole but he’s right. Today is family visit day, which means Zoe is coming to see Connor. He gets a text, it’s from Connor. He's asking if Evan will act like he's his friend so his parents will leave him alone. Evan texts him back saying that he will as long as he gets a donut from the cafeteria. Connor sends him a rolling eyes emoji. He gets a call from Connor, he picks up.

"Evan help"

"What do you need?"

"My parents want to meet you"

"Ugh, fine, where are you?"

"Im in the lobby, the one below our room"

"I'll head over"

He hung up, putting on his shoes. When he got to the lobby he noticed that Connor's family was the only one there. He walked up to Connor and waved

“Hey Evan.”

“Hey”

His mother looked overjoyed

“You must be Connor’s friend! I’m his mom, you can call me Cynthia”

“Heh, okay”

His dad did not seem to think he was so great

“Do you and Connor skip class?”

His father seemed to think Connor was a bad influence, he probably was, but Evan didn’t think so.

“Uh, no, well we did once, but that’s because I had a migraine, he was helping me.”

“Hmm, how did he help?”

“Uh, he gave me pain killers and we hung out until our next class.”

Evan was starting to feel awkward, and Connor seemed to notice, because he changed the subject.

“How is Zoe doing?”

Only now did Evan realize she wasn’t here, she was a senior in high school still, she was probably going to class. Connor’s mother didn’t like how fast the subject changed, because she asked him how class was going. Most of the conversation his parents made was about class and/or about how they were so glad that he had a friend.

“Connor, do you think that your friend Evan could come with us on our next skiing trip?”

Connor turned to evan, with an apologetic glance

“Would you like to come?”

“Uh, sure, why not”

“Great! It’s during Christmas break, Connor can send you the info when we have it”

“Oh, okay, sure”

This wasn’t going great for Evan, how was he going to survive a ski trip with Connor’s family if Zoe was going to be there too? He was spared from thinking about it too much when Connor mentioned that they have a class in 10 minutes and that they should go get lunch or something. He leads Evan up the stairs and into their room. He sits on his bed and sighs

“I can't believe I have to spend the next week with them, any more than 20 minutes and I get tired of their shit”

“Sorry”

Connor looked at him like he had two heads

“What are you sorry for?”

“That your family kinda sucks”

“You don’t need to be sorry about that.”

“Oh, right, sorry”

“I’m making it a rule that you can't say sorry unless you caught the college on fire.”

Evan laughed

“Okay, I can work with that.”

Evan looked at the calendar

“Crap, Christmas break is tomorrow and I don’t even have a ride home.”

“Where do you live?”

“The same place as you, wait, no, that sounds weird”

He paused, Connor thought for a second and came to a realization

“I went to highschool with you, didn’t I? I can drive you home”

“Uh, yeah, I just said it weird”

“You said it fine, I should have remembered that I went to highschool with you anyway.”

Evan smiled

“I more sat in the back anyway, I did my best to not get noticed”

“Hence the earbuds with no music during lunch”

Evan blushed

“I guess”

“Oh, my mom just texted me, she says we’re going to the ski resort on tuesday, I can pick you up before then if you want.”

“Okay, thanks”

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It was the day that he was going to the ski resort with Connor and his family, he was nervous. He wasn't nervous about skiing but he was nervous about Zoe, she might remember him, he didn’t want that to happen. Evan was snapped back to reality when he heard someone knock on the door. He opened up the door, it was Connor.

“Hey,”

“Hey, you ready to go?”

“Yeah, let me just get my stuff from my room”

He ran upstairs to get the bag he had packed the day before. He didn’t know how long the trip was supposed to be so he just packed however much he felt was right. He came back downstairs and followed Connor to his car.

“Your car is really small.”

“Yeah, my parents don’t trust me with a car that much, so they got me one of the cheapest ones they could find.”

“I don’t have a car, I’m too worried about driving, it would never get any use.”

Connor laughed

“Then does that make me your personal taxi?”

“No, it makes you my escort.”

“Not much better”

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Most of the drive was spent in silence, with the radio playing in the background. By the time they reached the resort, it was already dark, and both of them were tired. Evan barely made it to the hotel room before collapsing on the bed. Then he noticed, there was only one bed, Evan and Connor were supposed to share a room.

“Wait”

He sat up

“Connor”

“Yeah?”

“There’s only one bed”

“We’ll have to share then, unless you want to sleep on the floor.”

“Why don’t you sleep on the floor?”

“I'm an old man, my back can’t handle it.”

“Well, I’m not sleeping on the floor, so it looks like we have to share.”

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It was really warm when Evan woke up, he expected it to be cold since neither Connor or Evan turned on the heater last night. He sat up, remembering that he shared a room with Connor, he must've slept on the floor, he wasn't on the bed. Connor walked out of the bathroom.

"How did you sleep?"

"Fine, why?"

"You looked cold"

Evan looked down and saw Connor's sweatshirt draped over his shoulders. He blushed.

"Oh, thanks"

"No problem"

Connor's hair was wet, and he was wearing a t shirt with the Vans logo on it. He looked good, Evan doesn't think he's ever seen Connor in anything other than the black sweatshirt that Evan was wearing right now.

"Why do you always wear a sweatshirt when you're in public?"

Connor looked shocked that Evan asked

"Oh, it's to, uh, cover my arms."

"Why do you cover them?"

"To hide my wrists"

Connor held up his arm, showing his arm, it was covered in scars, he had been cutting his wrists. Evan was worried, some of them looked new.

"You've been cutting your wrists, why?"

"It's been my only way to cope, I don't drink, and weed is temporary."

"Cope with what?"

"My parents always argue, usually about me, they think I'm a problem child. I'm always the one that's the problem. I tried to kill myself once, thats how they found out."

"Found what out?"

"That im gay, come to think of it, I've never told you either"

He hardly noticed, but Connor had started crying

"I don't care that you're gay, actually"

He hesitated

"I'm pretty sure that I'm bisexual"

Connor wiped his eyes

"Does your mom know? That your bisexual, I mean."

"Yeah, she wasn't upset that I was bisexual, she was more upset that I didnt tell her before."

"That's better than what my parents did, they took away my door after they found out."

Evan looked shocked

"Your door? How do they take away the door?" 

"Well first, you take a drill-"

Evan laughed

"You know what I mean!"

Connor started laughing too, the mood in the room had lightened significantly. Connor stood up and checked the time on his phone, he frowned

"We have half an hour before we have breakfast with my parents. You should probably shower, you stink."

Evan laughed

"Not that bad!"

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Breakfast with Connor's family was awkward at best. Evan didn't make eye contact with Zoe the whole time, and most of the conversation was about school, not even anything fun. Both Evan and Connor were relieved when they were getting ready to start skiing. Connor and Evan were the only ones at the beginner course.

"I've never gone skiing before."

"I have, I'm just not good at it."

Connor slipped on his skis and fell. Evan laughed and sat down beside him.

"At least I haven't fallen down yet."

Connor gave him a dirty look

"You've hardly even tried"

"Does that mean you were trying to fall?"

Connor laughed with Evan. 

"Just imagine what it would be like if neither knew how to ski"

"As if you are even able to."

Connor playfully punched Evan. He made a fake offended face.

"Rude"

"Do you just want to ditch them and go back to the hotel room?"

"Why not?"

Connor grinned, Evan hadn't realized until this point, Connor was very attractive, he wondered why he never noticed before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Follow my tumblr @predatoryPidgeon :) its mostly weird posts but its occasionally about the fic


	6. Spring Term Freshman Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Evan go to a party and something happens

It was Saturday, two days before Connor’s birthday, he texted Connor to see what he wanted to do on his birthday.

Hey connor

Yeah?

What do you want to do for your birthday?

Idk i was thinking about going to a party, but i know you wouldnt want to come

Thats fine, I'll go if thats what you want to do.

Really? Thanks Evan

No problem, are you planning to go today or tomorrow?

I was thinking today

Okay, I can meet you there.

Cool.

Evan looked at the clock, it was 9:45, he should get going if he wants to get to the party before a ton of people get there. He changed into more comfortable clothes and heads over to the next dorm building. He gets there before Connor does. He texts Connor to see where he is.

Im at the party hbu

Im almost there, just wait for me :)

Okay

Evan can see Connor walking towards him, he waves, Connor waves back.

"Hey!"

"Were you waiting long?"

"Nah, I just got here. You wanna head inside?"

Connor nodded, Evan followed him into the building, there was loud music playing, but since they came earlier than last time, there were a lot less people. Connor turned to Evan.

"Wait here for a second."

He walked over to the drinks table and poured both him and Evan a cup of the punch. He came back and handed Evan one of the cups.

"Try it, it's really good."

Evan took a drink of the punch, it was really good.

"This is good!"

In the next half hour, the gathering turned into more of a crowd. It was getting a bit too suffocating for Evan. The fact that he had already had three cups of the punch didn't help either, he was getting drunk. He turned to Connor, he looked worried.

"Evan, are you feeling okay? You look pale"

Evan opened his mouth to say he was fine, but nothing came out. He made a choking sound and closed his mouth. The walls felt like they were closing in. He closed his eyes as tight as he could, he felt somebody's hands on his shoulders pulling him forward, he followed. He opened his eyes, it was Connor, he was bringing him to the bathroom. He started walking a little faster, there were tears running down his face, he was having trouble breathing. Connor closed the door behind Evan when they got to the bathroom, sitting him down on the floor. Evan's hiccupy breaths turned into choking sobs. Connor sat down next to him, setting his hand on Evan's lap.

"Shit, Evan, you have to breathe."

Connor mimed breathing in and out with his hands. Evan nodded, not feeling much better, but willing to try.

"Okay, lets count down from 100, by um, fours."

Evan nodded, they started to count down from 100, to 96, to 92, 88, 84, 80. Evan started to even out his breathing. He wiped his eyes, looking up at Connor. He had never really looked at Connor's eyes before, they were almost all blue, with a sliver of brown in his left eye. His eyes were full of worry. 

"Evan-"

Before Evan could really think, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Connor's. His lips were warm and soft, despite being chapped. Connor tasted like alcohol. Evan wondered if he did too. It was a messy kiss, due to the fact that both of them were drunk. Evan broke away from Connor, looking into his eyes.

"Connor, I-"

He passed out.

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Connor didn't know what to think. Evan, his friend and roommate, just had a panic attack, kissed him, and passed out. He laughed, it sounded ridiculous. But it had happened, and there is a chance that Evan would remember tomorrow. He really hoped Evan wouldn't remember that. He needed to get Evan back to their room before he wakes up. He decided to carry him bridal style, Evan is heavier than he looks. As he walked back to their room, he wondered why he didn't pull away when Evan kissed him.

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Evan woke up first, he was in his bed, there was something warm next to him. He looked over, it was Connor. He couldn't move away without waking him up, Connor's arms were wrapped around his chest. He grabbed his phone and checked his phone, he had three texts and a missed call from Jared. He looked at the texts first.

Evan

Dude where are you

We were gonna hang out

Shit.

Sorry, I think I got drunk at the party last night, i lost track of time

He was gonna go to Jared's room last night, it wasn't really hanging out, but he was going to Jared's dorm to help him study for math, he was failing earlier in the year. He got a text back.

Oh so hanging out with your boyfriend is more important than me passing my exam?

Evan sighed, why did Jared have to be so difficult.

Sorry, i was only planning on being there for a little bit, i had too much to drink and i lost track of time

He shut off his phone, if Jared wanted to talk, he was going to do it in person. He didn't care if he was ignoring Jared's texts. Connor stirred behind him, he forgot he was even there. Evan laid down and pretended to be asleep so that he wouldn't have to talk about last night. Last night, what happened last night. He went there with Connor, he had some punch, and then he was in a bathroom then, oh crap, he kissed Connor. Connor was his only friend, Jared was very vocal about how he wasn't a real friend. But he kissed Connor. He'll pretend he doesn't remember, then he won't have to bring it up later. He sat up and cringed, he forgot Connor was awake. Connor turned to face Evan. Evan blushed.

"Uh, good morning?"

Connor brushed his hair back with his hand, fuck, thats kinda hot. He shouldn't be thinking like this, he's his roommate, he can't be thinking like this.

"Hey, do you remember what happened last night?"

"Not much after the first two cups of punch"

Connor sighed, Evan takes it as a sign that Connor remembers too. Connor looked around.

"Wait, why are we in the same bed?"

"I have no idea, weren't we both drunk?"

Connor thought for a moment

"Oh yeah, you passed out"

He laughed

"I carried you back here"

Evan blushed, no wonder he didn't remember much after he kissed Connor.

"I passed out?"

"Yeah, it was right after you, uh"

He hesitated

"Had your third cup of punch."

Evan nodded, he knew that wasn't it, but he didn't want to bring up what really happened.

"At least neither of us have any classes today, right"

Connor laughed, it was an awkward laugh

"Yeah, I don't think I would be up for class anyway."

Evan laughed too. He liked Connor's laugh, it was an airy laugh.

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Connor had never realized how cute Evan was before, not like in the way you would say a puppy is cute, but more in a romantic way. His eyes were a shiny blue, and he was always smiling. Last night, when Evan kissed him, he didn't pull away, he doesn't know why, but he knows that he didn't dislike it. It was a relief when Evan said he didn't remember much from last night. Connor knew that Evan probably remembered something, but didn't say anything, he didn't want to mess up their fragile relationship. He wondered if Evan would ever like someone like him. It's coming up to the end of their freshman year, and he didn't want to mess things up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Im glad you made it this far :)


	7. Spring Term Freshman Year pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Schools gone and so is the chance that Evan's not in love with Connor

The last weeks leading up to finals were miserable. It was a stressful week for Evan and Connor. Evan was studying every night while Connor was going to lectures every now and then and hoping to wing it. Evan was eating lunch in the lounge when Conor sat next to him.

“Hey Evan"

"Hey"

"You know my friend Kai?"

"Mhm"

"He asked me to share a room with him and one of his soccer friends, and there's one more spot open, so I wanted to ask if you want to be my roommate, again?"

Evan smiled at Connor, he looked nervous.

"Of course! As long as I share a room with you and not Kai."

Connor blushed and looked away for a second. He turned back to Evan

"Sure."

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It's the last day of the school year. Evan and Connor were both packing. Evan gets a text from his mom.

Sorry honey, I cant pick you up, i have to clock in, have a safe drive home!

Evan sighed 

"Shit"

Connor looked over at Evan.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't have a ride home."

"I can give you a ride, if you want."

Evan thought for a moment, being in a car with him for four hours, less than a foot away from him, might be a bit much. But he doesn't want to seem rude.

"Yeah, thanks"

"Okay, no problem."

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The ride home wasn't as bad as Evan thought it would be. They still had about an hour until they got home. Evan skipped breakfast before they left. He didn't want to say anything so he was glad when Connor suggested they stop for food. Connor pulled over and turned to Evan

"Where do you want to go? there's a Wendy's close by."

"Yeah, we can do that"

On the way out of the restaurant Connor got a call. He told Evan to head to the car while he takes the call. When he got back to the car he didn't say anything. Evan turned to him.

"Who called?

"My mom, she decided to sign me up for a summer internship for some sort of summer camp."

"What camp is it?"

"I think she said it was camp thunderhead, it's some sort of middle school summer camp. I don't want to be alone with a bunch of 13 year olds all summer"

"Hmm, I should see if there's any room for another intern."

"You don't have to, Evan."

"Too late, I'm already googling it."

Connor laughed when Evan showed him there was a spot open. Evan was going to spend his entire summer. He was excited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the short chapter, it was more to finish off the school year so we can get to the juicy


	8. Summer Before Sophomore Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Evan get sunburnt

Evan hears a knock at the door, he already knows who it is. He opens the door and Connor smiles at him.

"Ready to go?"

Evan looks behind him, he has been packed for days already. He has a summer internship at a summer camp. 

"Yep, all ready to go."

"Great, ladies first."

Connor holds the door open for Evan holding out his hand. Evan laughed.

"Rude."

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When they got to the camp kids were already starting to get situated in cabins. Evan followed Connor to the registration. Evan didn't know what cabin he was gonna be leading. Connor stepped up to the table and picked up a clipboard. He turned to Evan and handed him the clipboard.

"Looks like our cabins are next to each other. You're gonna be seeing a lot more of me now."

Evan grinned 

"I've lived in the same room as you for the past nine months, I think I'll survive."

Their first activity was swimming, two of the boys cabins swim with two of the girls cabins. Evan's cabin was swimming with Connor's. At first, Evan was excited to swim with Connor. Then he realized, he had never seen Connor shirtless before. He didn't know how he was gonna handle it. He'll just have to see.

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Connor was going over the rules in the cabin when the speaker fizzled on

Swimming for girls and boys cabin 1 and 2 is now open

He gathered up his campers and headed down to the swimming hole. When they got there, Evan's cabin was already swimming. Evan waved at Connor, Connor waved back. Evan was a lot more fit than he originally thought, he looked good. Evan motioned for Connor to come over to him. He stepped into the water and gasped, for how hot it was up there, the water was pretty cold. He thought he saw Evan's cheeks go red for a second, but it must've been from the heat.

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Evan saw Connor walk to the water, he never expected Connor to go in just swim trunks. He doesn't know what else he would've gone in, but he could hope. Connor was skinny, and he was covered in freckles. He was blindingly pale though. Connor was walking toward him, what was he gonna say? He couldn't remember. He blurted the first thing that came to his mind.

"You look good Connor."

His mouth snapped shut, that's what he gets for not thinking before speaking. Connor smiles.

"Not so bad yourself."

That could've gone worse, he could've said something about him being hot, that's a worst case scenario though. He was hot though, his hair was slightly wet from the boys splashing around by them. He looked like he came out of some sort of magazine.

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Evan looked even better up close. He wasn't necessarily fit, but he looked like he was in shape, maybe due to him running back and forth between classes. Connor reached forward and brushed one of Evan's hairs back behind his ear. He immediately realized what he was doing and blushed, dropping his hand to his side, embarrassed.

"It was, uh, in the way."

Evan laughed, Evan had a soft laugh, he could listen to him laughing all day. He decided to say something to break the awkward silence.

"How's your cabin?"

Evan shrugged.

"They're a handful, but I mean, is there an alternate for twelve year old boys?"

Connor laughed

"Not really, mine are the same."

It was nice spending time with Evan away from school, away from his family, away from anything that could keep them apart.

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After about an hour of keeping 12 year olds at bay, the announcements fizzled on.

Lunch is in ten minutes, gather up at the mess hall.

Evan gathered his campers and got out of the water.

“Last one to get back to the cabin is a rotten egg!”

The boys set off running, Connor and Evan lagged behind. Evan turned to Connor.

"If you beat me up the hill I'll give you my canteen."

"Deal."

They both started running up the hill, Connor hopped over a root that was in the way, Evan didn't notice it until it was too late. He tripped over the protruding root and fell. Connor stopped and turned back. Evan tried to get up, there was a sharp pain in his ankle, he hissed in pain. Connor ran down to where he was.

"Are you okay?"

"I think I twisted my ankle when I tripped."

Connor sat down next to him.

"You need me to carry you?"

"Yeah, probably."

Connor put his hand under Evan's back and legs and lifted him.

"You're a lot heavier than you look!"

"Are you calling me fat?"

Connor snorted

"I don't know, that's up to you."

Connor was stronger than Evan originally thought, well someone had to have brought him back to the dorm after the party, but he didn't expect it to be Connor. They both made it up the hill and Connor brought Evan to the mess hall. They were late for lunch by the time they made it up the hill.

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The last few days of camp were the worst. Most of the time, instead of doing fun activities, the campers were sleeping. Evan wasn't tired at all, he couldn't say the same for Connor though. Connor looked like he hadn't slept in the last few days. It didn't help that most of the campers stayed up until midnight playing music. Evan was almost glad that camp was ending. On the last day of camp, it took hours to get the kids all sorted out to go home. Evan was busy packing up his sleeping bag when someone knocked on the door. He opened the door, it was Connor. He looked exhausted.

"Hey"

Evan wondered if he looked as tired as Connor did.

"Hey"

Connor looked into the cabin, nobody was in there other than Evan, all of his campers had already gone home.

"Do you think you could help me get my last few campers out of here?"

"Sure."

Evan followed Connor to his cabin and saw three kids hanging from the rafters by their knees. Connor sighed.

"They keep saying that they're bats but they're really only in danger of a concussion."

Evan snorted, two of them were only wearing boxers. Connor picked up a towel off the floor and threw it onto one of the bunks.

"Guys, you need to clean up, your parents will be here any time now."

Evan started picking up laundry off the floor.

"Do you want to make your parents wait for you?"

One of the kids stuck his tongue out at Evan, he did it back. 

"Can you guys even get down?"

Two of the three kids hanging upside down shook their heads. Connor sighed.

"This is a pain"

"It's better than needing to tell one of your campers that you can't take one of the squirrels home."

This was fun for both Evan and Connor. Mayne they could do it next year too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dunno seems kinda gay to me


	9. Summer Before Sophomore Year pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan and Connor hang out

There was still a week before school started again. And Connor was bored out of his mind. Zoe was gone for the weekend and his parents were gone for another four days. He grabbed his phone and texted Evan.

Hey Ev

Yeah?

U wanna come over?

Sure, you want me to come over now?

Yeah why not

He was waiting for a few minutes when he heard a knock on the door. He jumped up and opened the door. Evan was standing in the doorway, grinning. He was wearing a blue polo shirt, it complimented his eyes well. 

"Hey"

"Hey, want to go down to my room?"

Evan blushed slightly

"Sure, why not?"

Connor led Evan to his room before remembering he didn't clean up beforehand.

"Uh, sorry about the mess."

Evan laughed

"It's fine, you should see my room."

Connor sat down on his bed

"You wanna play a video game or something?"

"Sure"

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Evan had been at Connor's house for over three hours. He looked over at the clock, it was almost 2 in the morning. He wasn't gonna be able to walk home. He set down his controller and turned to Connor.

"Hey, it's a little late to walk home, do you think I could stay the night?"

Connor blushed a bit.

"Yeah, sure, i don't see why not."

"I can sleep in the living room if you, uh, if you want."

"No, that's fine, you can sleep here."

Evan's cheeks turned red.

"O-okay, i can sleep on the floor."

"Nah, the floor's just concrete, we can share the bed."

"Yeah, uh, sure."

Connor stood up.

"You wanna go to bed now? I'm tired."

Evan nodded, terrified at the idea of sleeping in the same bed as Connor all night. He didn't have any clothes for sleeping in. He tugged at the hem of his shirt. Connor turned to him.

"You can borrow one of my shirts if you want. They might be too big though."

"Thanks, where are they?"

Connor pointed to his closet. Evan wandered over and noticed that a lot more of Connor's shirts were brighter colors than he thought he would have. He picked a shirt that had a picture of a band on it. It was too big. It was comfy.

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Connor looked behind him where Evan was looking through his closet. He set a few extra blankets on his bed when Evan came over and sat on the bed. He looked cute in an oversized shirt, he didn't say that though. He sat down on the bed next to Evan.

"should I turn the lights off?"

"Yeah, probably."

Connor stood up and walked over to the light switch, when he turned back, Eva was laying down, looking up at the ceiling.

"You have those glow in the dark stars on the ceiling."

"Oh, yeah, they've been there for ages. I never took them down."

Evan laughed

"I like them, you should keep them up."

Connor was glad the lights were off, that way Evan couldn't see how bad he was blushing. He got in bed beside Evan. Evan turned over to face him.

"Good night, Connor."

"Good night."

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Evan heard giggling above him. He opened his eyes and saw Zoe standing over him, holding her phone out. She ran upstairs when she saw him, giggling. He looked around and saw Connor clinging onto his waist. He gently untangled Conner's limbs from him and started upstairs. Zoe was sitting at the dining table. He sat down across from her. She showed him a picture on her phone, it was him and Connor. He blushed slightly, she giggled.

"Did you sleep well?"

He hesitated, anything he could say Zoe would hold against him.

"His bed is really small."

Shit, that's almost the worst thing to say right now.

"So what happened last night?"

"He invited me over, and it was too late to walk home, so I stayed the night."

"Hmm, okay."

Evan blushed and turned away. This was bad, he had a crush on Zoe for most of high school and now he's finally gotten over her. But now he thinks he's starting to fall for her brother. He wanted to change the subject.

"Are you planning on going to college?"

She nodded.

"I'm going to the same one as you and Connor."

"Thats cool! What are you majoring in?"

"I don't know yet."

Evan nodded. He wondered if Zoe was going to be as bad as Jared about Connor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the short chapter, i just wanted to get something out today. Thanks for reading!


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